In my twelve years of teaching public school, I found that
many teachers and administrators had very strong, unshakable philosophies of
fighting, and many differed from each other. Now, none that I knew of encouraged it. While I have heard a news
story here and there where a teacher wanted children to fight, for whatever
psychological reason they had, I did not know anyone with that idea. However, some stories recently in the news
brought up some memories of discussions about fighting, and they just make me
all the more glad I am homeschooling.
One principal at a school where I taught made the most sense
from any other principal I've known. She
said that if a child is hit by another child, they get one "free
punch" to protect themselves. At
that point, they need to leave the situation or they will be in trouble
also. Now, this sounds strange to many
people, and I heard her defend her position to many, many parents and teachers
who thought any child who punched another child was in the wrong, but she knew
why she said it and she stood by this philosophy numerous times in my presence. She said that a child has a right to defend
him/herself. I agree. She said that if someone punched her son, she
would want her son to stand up for himself.
Now, if he stayed and egged it on or continued punching, that was a
different story. I have to say that I
agreed with her then, a little hesitantly, and I fully agree with her now.
Most schools, though, have what they call a "no
tolerance" policy on fighting. I
hate any blind "policy" which ignores facts before the punishment is
given. I do not agree with fighting, I
think there are many situations where it can be avoided, but there are times
when another person is focused on a fight and there is only one way to get out
of it - one good, solid punch, then run.
About 10 years ago, my husband (a black belt in Tae Kwon Do)
had a friend who was either a 2nd or 3rd degree (I forget which) black belt in
TKD. He was also a teacher at a local
high school, and he frequently was assigned detention duty. One day, he said a teacher actually put two
bullies in detention (most of the teachers were afraid of them so it did not
happen often). They came in and sat down
with no problem, but they decided that it was time for them to leave about five minutes
early. Our friend, while an extremely
tough fighter, is only about five foot six, so when these two six foot
"plus" guys surrounded him on their way out the door, he had to look
up to them to block their path. He
calmly told them they weren't going anywhere, to which they told him
differently. Knowing a fight was likely
to happen and that most of the staff had already gone home, he immediately
dismissed the rest of the detention students and distracted these guys as they
left. He said as the others left a
little early, they continued arguing and he instinctively turned his body,
automatically lining them up for one good, swift kick a piece, in weak points. Then, he said, he planned on running out the
door as fast as he could before they got up! Fortunately, these guys were a
little smarter than they seemed and something in the teacher's stance told them
that he had a plan and they would not be happy if they tried anything. As the last students left the room, they sat
down. He kept them the remaining five
minutes and another minute or two, then let them leave. Our friend said he did not breathe a sigh of
relief until he was in his undamaged car, driving away from the school.
Other teachers, though, feel differently about bullies. Teachers of the same philosophies tend to
group together. I have taught in
schools, or just met teachers from schools, who refuse to stop a fight. They say that they do not want to be hit, so
they will call the office and wait, watching while the weaker student gets
pummeled. Unfortunately, I've talked to
parents of those same schools (in events having nothing to do with education) who
say they know the teachers are there to protect their children if needed. Some teachers will - I did, and I know many
others who have done it or who are perfectly willing to if needed - but many
teachers will not.
The last example I want to share is what started all of these
thoughts this morning. In the news last
week was an incident on a school bus in Florida. The event and the school's response
completely and totally infuriates me to the point that I will just let the
local news tell the story, as I can already feel my blood pressure rising and
I'm not even telling the story!
While this real hero was punished, we also have these stories
for school suspensions:
That 5 year old is a terrorist??!!
Then there was this 5th grader, suspended for her
"dangerous weapon":
Oooohhhhh!!! I can
feel my blood boiling now, so I will stop, but I know that you know other news
stories that would easily fit in this.
My daughter, who has special needs, was once threatened when
she was in 1st grade at recess. Another special
needs boy (also in 1st grade) stood up for her and was pushed down for his trouble. The bullies eventually left. My daughter told me about it that night, so I
called the teacher the next day to get the entire story. The teacher had no idea what had
happened and neither did the assistants. A week later, we had a play
date set with this family and I was able to talk to the boy's dad. The dad (a single parent) still had no idea about the incident,
but he knew his son (not as verbal as my daughter) had come home wanting to
fight with everyone. that day and for a couple of days after that. Even though I had
told the teacher, she still had not told him about the incident.
These events were not the reason why we started
homeschooling, but they are just more reinforcement that I'm glad that we are.
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